You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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