Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
