on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
