Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
