Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Mom said you looked used
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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