im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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