I am puke
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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