I faked an abortion last night.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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