i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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