yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
