Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
