Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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