Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
