I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize