I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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