Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
