i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm jealous of your bromance
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
