Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
