Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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