I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
