Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize