The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
