dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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