Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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