That's when you crack a 10am beer
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
