Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Holy shit dude........stairs
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