if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
