found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize