i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize