Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
