aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
