if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
