My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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