The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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