Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
