White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
