i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
