She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I met the friendliest cop last night
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
