Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
