My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
