If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
