How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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