yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
