real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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