But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
