if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
