I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize