apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
