i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
