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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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