ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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