Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
