Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
