she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
