and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
