you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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