I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
