VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
