so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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