Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
