why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize