They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
