I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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