Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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