I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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