Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
