He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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