I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
