Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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