She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
