i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
